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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
People in love make me want to vomit
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
