My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
