Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
PANTIES FOUND
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