fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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