I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
