4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
