Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I know her cup size but not her name....
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
