stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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