I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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