Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
