I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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