When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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