just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
