also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
