do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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