My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
whose ass print is on the piano?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
