he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
