i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I want to make a zoo with you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
