I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
