We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
