k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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