i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
