my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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