And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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