just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
