If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
