i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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