Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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