I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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