**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
