some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
