The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
