The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He? As in you personified your dick?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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