You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
