does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
