Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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