dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
