this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
