TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
