Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
