Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
