sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
