You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
thus making me awesome and them whores
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
