Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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