I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
someone owes me an orgasm
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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