you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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