So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i will never coherently bang her
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My life is pants optional.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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