he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
