Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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