So drunk its hurt
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
