Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
