its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
