Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
