So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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