Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
